We live in a world of unfinished promises. Half-assed efforts. False trust. People don’t prioritize what’s important and as a result, are less productive, less fulfilled, and less successful.
People can’t seem to commit themselves to much of anything important for extended periods, especially us young people.
Before I try to make my point, what is a commitment exactly? A commitment is an intentional decision to become dedicated to a course of action or individual or ideal. It’s a devotion. If you really want your actions to have weight to others commitments should be firm, and all-in. If you agree or commit to doing something, then do it! A commitment isn’t a “maybe” or an “ok” or “I’ll do it later.” It isn’t declaring that you’re going to run 4 days a week and then giving up on 1 or 2 of them because you’re tired.
So how are we lacking commitment?
The average person changes jobs 12 times in their lifetime, a contrast to many adults in the past who would only have a few or even one job throughout their career.
Another prime example is friendship. In her book We Should Get Together, Kat Vellos observes, “In my friendship survey, a lack of dedication was named as the second biggest reason why it’s hard to make and maintain friendships. Flakiness—either the other person’s or one’s own—gets in the way of establishing closeness” (page 34). You start a little small talk, think you’re going to do something together and both promise to do something. Then the other person doesn’t respond, doesn’t show up, or makes some bullshit excuse (often not one but multiple times). When it happens with a couple people you assume it’s fine. But when a third or half of the people you try to do stuff with cancel plans on you, you become rather skeptical. Too many people say they’re going to do something and don’t follow through with it. They make a promise and then break it. A lotta people can talk the walk but they can’t walk the talk. We need to bring back firm commitments and start sticking to our word.
The number of acquaintances people have has increased while the number of true, close friends has decreased. If you asked people in 1850 “Name 5 people you know?” they would likely point to a handful of people. But in the modern age, people have a lot more surface-level relationships and fewer deep connections.
While I can’t really speak to other countries, this trend seems true in America: “Many Americans do not have a large number of close friends. Close to half (49 percent) of Americans report having three or fewer. More than one-third (36 percent) of Americans report having several close friends—between four and nine. Thirteen percent of Americans say they have 10 or more close friends, which is roughly the same proportion of the public that has no close friends (12 percent).” This is in contrast to 1990 when 27% of people said they had three or fewer close friends, 33% reported having 10 or more close friends, and only 3% said they did not have any close friends. () Could this be because we are unable to limit our options and choose a couple people that truly matter? Are we unable to commit to other people that matter on a regular basis? Social media has made it easier than ever to prioritize superficial, fleeting, surface-level relationships and connections with others while neglecting and devaluing deep connections with others.
Why is all of this happening? A fundamental lack of discipline.
People are healthier than ever, wealthier than ever, and more connected than ever. Not that there aren’t poor and unhealthy and disconnected people. Not everyone is living a great life. A good portion of the world struggles to get by. But generally, things have been and are continuing to improve more than ever for most people and we are in one of the best times to live in human history. Opportunities are everywhere.
Yet people are still unhappy. How??
This idealistic world we’ve tried to create has had an odd side effect: people are lazier, more negligent, and more spoiled than they’ve ever been. Since their lives are so great they feel like they don’t need to do anything to change. People are too comfortable, too satisfied. And as a result, they become complacent and atrophy, becoming weak and unhappy with their lives.
It’s important to note that a lack of commitment is not always a bad thing. Everyone is spontaneous to some extent. And sometimes, it’s important to experiment and try different things to narrow down what you actually like or want to commit to. The best long-term commitments often come from many short-term commitments made first.
But the only sure way to progress in things important to you is through commitment. Peter Drucker once wrote, “Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” The only way to do anything great is through commitment. Success rewards those who stay consistent, and who have the audacity to show up regardless of how they feel. Commitments are liberating in that they allow you to have an urgency, a drive to finish whatever you’re doing. A drive that you might not get otherwise. If you feel obligated to do whatever you’re doing and have a purpose in doing it, you’ll be more likely to finish it. Commitments don’t have to be extensive or complicated. They can be small and a stepping stone for bigger things. In fact, the best commitments are.
Having the mental discipline to prioritize things that matter most is rare at best and a skill we must all cultivate better. It’s time to rethink our priorities and start doing important things. To reclaim what it means to be invested in something meaningful.